Uncategorized

On Assignment

You gotta love Facebook’s “On This Day” app. If you don’t use it, you should. 

Let me give you an example. On this day in 2014, I posted this status update:

“‘The outcome of your life will be determined by your outlook on life.’ (Mark Batterson, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day)

Your perception becomes your reality. If you see yourself as a victim, you will live defeated. If you see yourself as a victor, you will live victoriously. Sounds almost too simple, doesn’t it?”

I still totally believe that, but I think I might even believe it more now than I did when I posted it. It’s almost like I said it and then God said, “Show me.” He does that sometimes. Not because He needs to know if we mean it. He knows our hearts. He does it so that we can see if we really mean it. He does it so that we can bring Him glory.
You see, a year after I posted that, I started chemo and if ever I was going to choose to be a victim or a victor, it was in that journey. There is nothing glorious about chemo or cancer. There is very little dignity when you are lying in a hospital bed in one of those stylish gowns, pusing the call button every time you neded to go to the bathroom. If I wanted to be a victim, I would have certainly been justified. 

Maybe you’re going through something right now and you feel like a victim. Maybe you’ve been cheated or hurt or you’re going through health issues. You feel like you’re justified in being a victim. Don’t stay there. Give yourself 24 hours to grieve and yell and whatever you need to do and then move out of the victim pit. Continuing to view yourself as a victim will cause the pit of bitterness and resentment to grow so deep that you cannot get out. “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5). 

The morning is not a literal 24 hours, of course. It’s a figure of speech to describe when th darkness ends and the light shines through. On Morning is when you wake up and see yourself as a victor because when that happens, you invite God into that circumstance and allow Him to change you. To strengthen you. To be glorified through you. That is our assignment. That’s what we are here to do…to point to God. That is true worship. Don’t let what is wrong with you–your circumstances, your struggles, your pain–keep you from worshipping what is right with God. 

It’s human nature to ask why when we find ourselves facing difficulties. Some even say, “If God is good, why does He allow this to happen?” When I look at the circumstances in my life in terms of assignments God has given to me, my whole outlook changes. I’m here because this is where God wants me. I’m going through this because God has a grand plan for me. I’m here to point to God and bring Him glory. 

And when we’re finished with our assignments, He’ll say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

~Sondra

Cancer, Survivorship, Uncategorized

The Finish Line

I crossed the finish line today. This past year’s journey has been a long, grueling marathon. There were hills and valleys, there was scorching heat and cold rains. The wind tried to knock me off course several times. But today I crossed the finish line.

I’m not a runner by any stretch of the imagination. I like the thought of it. I’ve started the couch to 5k plan a few times, but never gotten past the second week. So I don’t know what a runner feels when they cross the finish line in a long race. I imagine there is elation. I would think there would be a sense of accomplishment. Pride. A need to celebrate the victory. And then a crash from exhaustion. That’s exactly how I feel after finishing the year-long battle. I’m elated that I won. I feel proud that I made it through everything I’ve gone through this year. It is true that you don’t know how strong you are until you are tested.

There were so many times I wondered if I’d ever cross the finish line. There were nights when I wasn’t even sure the finish line was real. And then I could see the finish line, but didn’t seem to be moving toward it with any amount of speed at all. But I finally crossed it today.

And I feel tired. I feel like I can finally let my defenses down and just rest. Pretty sure I hear a beach somewhere calling my name….

~Sondra

Faith

Eyes Wide Open

I ran into an old friend at Wal-Mart today. I was there to get hamburger buns for the guys and some healthy stuff for me. As I was placing the things from my cart onto the belt, I heard someone say my name. So much for sneaking in and sneaking out of the store unnoticed. Side note, I am not that unsociable, but when you are a teacher who works and shops in the same town, someimtes going to Wal-Mart is a little like a rock star trying to leave a concert. Anyway, I turned to look and I saw a dear friend I had not seen in a couple of years. She keeps up with me on facebook so she knew all about my cancer journey and was supportive while I was in the middle of it. Today she told me that she was diagnosed with melanoma and that she had all of her lymph nodes removed. I felt sick to my stomach to hear her tell me the story. I hate cancer. I hate what it does to people. I hate the fear that it causes and the lives that it steals.

On the way home, I heard a man on the radio talking about being grateful and not taking things for granted. He said, “What we feel entitiled to, we do not feel grateful for.” It’s true. If we feel like life owes us a break, do we stop and say thank you when the break comes? If we feel like God owes us food or provision, do we stop and thank Him for the provision? Not hardly. We pray things like, “God, You said that You would supply all my needs and this is a need.” And then expect Him to do it. That’s not a bad thing. His Word does say that and what He says He will do, He does. And we are to expect in faith. Those are not bad things. But when He does supply that need, do we stop and thank Him for it? Better yet, do we thank Him for it before He supplies? Now that would be faith, wouldn’t it?

One thing I learned from cancer is that I am not entitled to anything. I am not even guaranteed my next breath. I learned not to take people and things as small as red blood cells for granted. The big and the little things in life, literally. I am not entitled to any of them, and I am grateful for all of them. Of course there were days when it was hard to find something to be thankful for. Those days when I couldn’t get out of bed, or the days in isolation in the hospital were dark and lonely. I still have days that are tough. But if I look long enough, I always find something.

Look around with eyes wide open for the blessieyes ngs. They are more in number than you think.

~Sondra

Uncategorized

Ice Storm

Today is an “ice day” home from work. The company (and most schools in the area) called off yesterday afternoon in anticipation of the coming weather. It didn’t come. At least not here. There is no ice. There is barely even any rain. I wonder if there’s some sort of game the weather guys play…predicting and talking up the ice storm of the century, and then sitting back and laughing when everyone buys it. Possibility.
I’m amazed at how many people flock the stores when they hear of an impending storm. Bread, milk, and eggs fly off the shelves in record time. Pallets of ice melt are staged at the enterance of the store, right in front of the snow shovel display. Who needs to buy a snow shovel EVERY TIME it snows anyway? What happens to the ones we bought the last time it snowed???

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to predict and prepare for impending life storms? For instance, would I have done anything differently if I had known that cancer was in my future? What would you do if you knew a job loss was coming? Or a relationship fail? Or a car accident? Would you want to know the storm was coming, or would that cause anxiety and paralyzing fear? 

Proverbs 31:21 says this: “She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes.” She’s wise. She knows that storms and seasons come and go. That’s life. But instead of dreading or fearing or freezing in hopelessness, she prepares not only herself, but her household. “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” In other words, she’s done everything she can do, and she trusts that God will do the rest. There is strength in the quiet trust we place in our Heavenly Father. Instead of waiting until the storm arrives and then running to God in desperation, there’s a peace in walking with Him and trusting Him with every moment of every single day.

Face the storms of life head-on with confidence that God’s in control. Unlike us, He knows the exact time and circumstances. Nothing surprises Him. Nothing sneaks past Him. When the storms of life come, we can rest in the knowledge that He has already prepared for it.

~Sondra

Faith, Health, Uncategorized

Fit and Lean in 2017!

Fit and Lean in 2017!

That’s what a friend has deemed her mantra for the new year. As I thought about it, I discovered that it could cover all aspects of life. So I stole it (sorry B!).

Of course, I don’t have to go into great detail about how “fit and lean in 2017” can apply to the physical body. It might look different for you than it does for me, but it means to get healthy. Period. Maybe you’ll eat clean, maybe you’ll low-carb. Maybe you’ll join Weight Watchers. Maybe you’ll join a gym, or the Y, or sign up for C25K. What’s important is that you find something that fits you. Make sure it’s something you enjoy and can continue. Otherwise, you’ll be done by February.

You can also be emotionally fit and lean in 2017! What I mean by that is, stop over-thinking. Quit holding people liable for what you think they meant instead of what they actually said or did. Cut out the drama from your life. Cut out the negativity from your life. Purge the toxic thoughts and relationships. And for goodness sakes, get off of the emotional roller coaster. Life is too short. If you don’t like it, change it. If you can’t change it, use it to strengthen you. Don’t tell me that’s too hard to do. I just beat cancer. I didn’t like it and I couldn’t change it, but I used the experience to become stronger.

“Fit and Lean in 2017”…fiscally. This is a hard one for me, because I want what I want when I want it, and I want it now…but it’s an area I am ready to tackle in the new year. Get out of debt, cut back on spending (wasting) your hard-earned money on things that you don’t need to impress people you don’t like. Start a savings account. Even if you only save $10 a week, that’s still $520 at the end of the year. Virtually everyone can find $10 a week in their budget. Cut out your expensive morning coffee and make your own at home. Eat out less and cook at home more. You can do this! For some extra motivation, go find Rachel Cruze’s book “Love Your Life, Not Theirs”.

How about materialistically fit and lean in 2017? I’m not saying go be a minimalist. If that’s what you want, that’s great, but there’s no need to go to extremes. Go through your closets and garages and sell what you haven’t used or seen in the last year. Go ahead. I dare you. If you haven’t seen it in that long, you don’t need it and quite frankly, you probably forgot you had it anyway. Do you really want someone else to have to go through all of your stuff when you die? Keep nothing in your home that you don’t view as purposeful or beautiful. Not what I think, but what YOU think. It’s your home! Make it yours!

Be spiritually fit and lean in 2017. Whoa. What am I talking about? Stop going to church so much? Stop praying so much? Absolutely not. Those are necessary things if you want to be spiritually fit. What I mean is stop trying to live up to all of those man-made rules and the “do not’s” that we have placed on ourselves. Get back to the basics of your faith. Find a church home and attend regularly. Find a Bible reading plan you can stick to. Spend some time in prayer each day. Help the helpless. Feed the hungry. Give to the poor. Do all of those things! Live out your faith! But stop being so hard on yourself (and others) when they don’t live up to your expectations of what a Christian should look like, or act like, or talk like. Love God. Love People. Make Disciples. Basics.

Here’s to being Fit and Lean in 2017!

–Sondra

Health, Uncategorized

Wondering

Seems I’ve finally been still long enough for the sick germs to catch up with me. Not too shabby considering my weakened immune system and all of the snot I am around at work everyday. I was wondering when it would happen and how my body would react after having cancer.

That’s the thing about being a cancer survivor…you try to stay positive and put the battle behind you and move forward, but you are always wondering. Wondering if what you are experiencing is normal. Wondering when or if the recurrence will come. Wondering what people think of your new hairstyle. Wondering if strangers can tell you’ve had cancer. Wondering if they think you talk about it too much. Wondering if what you are eating is cancer-causing. Wondering when your fingernails and toenails will grow back or if they will always be brittle. Or if the numbness in your toes will ever go away. Wondering if you’ve forgotten something important because of the chemo brain. Or if people think you’re just using it to get out of doing something because you say you need to rest. You want so badly to put it out of your mind, but you can’t.

You can’t because it’s changed you forever. You are not the person you were before the diagnosis. No matter how much you try to “get your life back”, you won’t get it back because you are different. You’ve fought an enormous battle. You’ve faced trauma unimaginable. You’ve come back from death.

Your priorities are different.

Your perspective is different.

Your perception is different.

Not to mention that your physical body is also different. The chemo has killed off everything…the good and bad cells. That’s both a blessing and a curse.

Your emotions are different because the medicine has put you into menopause.

And sometimes it’s too much. Sometimes you long for the familiar. It’s not that the new normal is horrible, it’s just different and different is scary and leaves you wondering. You’re always wondering…

-Sondra

 

Faith, Uncategorized

Rest

Mark 6:30-31—The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

If at any time you have ever felt guilty for taking time off, read that scripture again. Slowly. Jesus told them to “come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” The apostles had been busy doing and teaching. They had been ministering and doing what God had called them to do. They were exhausted. Yet, they weren’t saying “We need a vacation.” Jesus was telling them they needed one.

But look again, it said that the apostles had been so busy that they hadn’t had time to eat. They were hungry! And instead of Jesus saying, “Let’s go eat.” He said, “Come away with me by yourselves to find quiet and rest.” I highly doubt they were hitting McDonald’s on the way there. Jesus could have fed them. Later in this same chapter, He feeds 5000. Feeding 12 would have been a piece of cake. So why didn’t Jesus say, “Let’s get something to eat”? I don’t know, but I think it was because He knew their greatest need was rest and time in His presence. They needed refueled spiritually before they could refuel physically. He knew the importance of resting and refreshing to remain effective in ministry. And in life.

That scripture spoke to me this morning as I was taking time to read my Bible on this day after Thanksgiving. I’m on Thanksgiving break and just as I was feeling guilty about doing absolutely nothing, I read that passage.

When I had cancer, I did nothing but rest. I had no other choice. I would get frustrated that I wasn’t doing anything, and there was literally nothing I could do about it. The chemo made me so sick that I could barely hold my head up. Walking across the room made me so short of breath that I felt like I would collapse.

Once I finished treatment and regained some strength, I couldn’t wait to get back to work and doing all the things that I hadn’t been able to do. At the end of June, I hit the ground running and hadn’t stopped to take a breath since then. I was working. I was doing youth ministry. And worship ministry. And trying to keep up with everything at home. I didn’t take time to rest, and I felt like I was running on empty.

I couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving break when I could breathe. Because my life was out of balance. In all of my doing, I forgot the importance of rest.

I’m not the only one. And neither are you. The apostles also forgot to stop and rest in the quiet that is Jesus. In His presence, I trade chaos for calm. In His presence, I trade noise for peace. I trade exhaustion for renewal; depletion for restoration; hunger for satisfaction. In Him I trade busyness for rest.

-Sondra

 

 

 

 

 

Uncategorized

Brave Start

I woke up around 9am because I didn’t go to bed until around 3am. I was finishing a book that I was reading and then I did some writing. Sometimes my creativity flows late at night, sometimes it flows early in the morning. You just never know about me.

When I woke up this morning I had the brilliant idea to take my tablet to the elliptical with me. I read while I was working out. It worked. I worked out for 48 minutes while I read my devotional, my one chapter of the Bible for today, and then a chapter in the book “Start” by Jon Acuff. And I remember more of what I read while working out than I normally do when I just sit her idle and read. I think it is a habit that I will be continuing. I don’t know how effective the workout was because I was not moving very fast, but it was a start and that’s all that is required. A start. A simple step forward.

I’m reminded of a sight I saw the other day as I drove to work. I live in the country and although my commute is much shorter than it used to be, I still drive about 12 miles one way to work. It starts out in the hills and curves and eventually flattens and straightens out. I drive past a farm that takes up both sides of the road and usually, on the electrical wires above the field, are hundreds of birds just sitting there. If you watch them long enough, they swoop down toward the field without quite reaching it before they fly back up and land on the wire. They start out with great bravado toward the ground and then with just as much enthusiasm, they land back on the wire. As I watched the other day, I wondered why they do this. Why do they all at once sweep down and then back up to the same spot they came from without reaching the ground where the seeds and bugs are? It’s like they want to go, and they start, but then before they reach their goal, they go back where they started from.

Don’t we do that? Don’t we get inspired to try something new and take that first step and then before we know it, we’re right back where we started from? Why do we do that? Fear? Probably. It can be scary to step out. We don’t know what will happen if we continue to move forward. I can tell you with certainty that nothing will happen if you don’t step out. NOTHING. If we don’t take the first step, we won’t move. It’s that simple.

What is it that we see that we want to go after? A new career? A ministry opportunity? A relationship? A new, healthy lifestyle? What is it that keeps us perched on the wire? Be brave. Step out. Being brave doesn’t mean the absence of fear. Being brave means being scared and taking that step forward anyway. Instead of asking “What if I fail?” ask, “What if I don’t?”

Got to go. I need to start laundry or I’m never going to get it finished. See, it works with laundry, too. 🙂

 

Faith

It Is Well

I’ve done a lot of reflecting the past couple of weeks. I don’t know why, exactly, that it is happening now. Maybe it’s the new medication. Maybe it’s a survivor thing. It could be a combination of both, I’m not really sure.

What I do know is that when I look back over this past year, it’s hard to believe that it happened. Some days it feels like a really bad dream that went on and on forever. I know it wasn’t a dream because the scars are there and I still have this foreign object known as a port protruding from my chest. But it doesn’t seem real when I look back. Or maybe it’s real, but it doesn’t seem like it was me. Like one of those dreams when you feel like you are hovering overhead, watching yourself. Maybe that’s what it feels like. Like I watched it happen to someone else.

But I know that it happened to me because I can see the effects. Cancer changes you. The treatment does things to your body, of course, but the cancer experience changes your whole being. I read a quote today that said, “Sometimes God allows you to face Goliaths in your life so you can find the David within.” Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes that reason is to make you stronger. Or show you that you are strong when you thought that you weren’t. I read a book in the midst of my journey called, “Stronger” by Clayton King. I recommend it.  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QMSCICM/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Before cancer, I was a wimp. The least little thing went wrong and I was whining, sometimes to God, sometimes to a friend, but I was whining nonetheless. I thought tiny inconveniences were the end of the world as we knew it. After cancer, I’ve learned to stand and say, “It is well.” Storms and hard times and inconveniences are going to come into our lives, but we can trust God through the storm. Sometimes He calms the storm, but sometimes He calms His child in the midst of the storm. He didn’t calm my storm. I went through the whole process and it was hard. There were nights I thought I was going to die and there were a few when I wanted to. I prayed for healing every day, but trusted that if healing didn’t come, God was still in charge and He had a bigger plan.

I think that’s the hardest part about storms. Trusting God no matter what. We have no problem trusting Him for healing or deliverance out of the storm. That’s what we want to happen. We want the easy way out. Trusting God through it is another matter, but I can promise you from experience that the same God who heals and delivers is the same God who holds us for the duration. To quote a Casting Crowns song that got me through some difficult days, “When you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away, you’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held. Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place. I’m on the throne, stop holding on, and just be held.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIZitK6_IMQ

I can’t tell you why we go through things. I know that God has a plan, but sometimes it’s hard to see what that plan is. What I can tell you is that it is well. It might not feel like it right now, but it is well. It might not sound like it right now, but it is well. It might not look like it right now, but It. Is. Well.

Uncategorized

No More Junk

I’ve been on the “simplify” bandwagon for quite some time now. I’ve read books about de-cluttering. I’ve spent hours on Pinterest looking at ideas on how to de-clutter and what to do with the stuff that I don’t get rid of. All of those pictures look amazing, right? If only my house looked like that…and so the dream goes.

Thanks to a couple borrowed mantras, “Have nothing in your house that you don’t believe to be beautiful or purposeful” and “Don’t just wish for it, work for it”, I finally stopped daydreaming and I’ve been actively “de-junkifying” my house for several weeks. It’s not just a little bit of junk We have lived in the same house for 16 years and my husband’s grandparents lived here for years before us. So I have my junk and then I have the leftovers of their junk. Basically I just pick a room and start going through stuff until I’ve gone through everything. It’s a slow process, but it’s happening.

I try to throw out a bit every day, but I’ve noticed something. It seems like the more I things I throw out, the more I add in its place. I trade old junk for new junk. And the cycle continues.

We all do this. We trade the old junk that we don’t want for new junk that we think we do. In our homes, in our garages, in our bodies, in our relationships, in our careers, in our minds. Truth is, we might want it right now, but how long before it becomes the junk we’re trying to get rid of all over again?

We need to stop allowing junk into our lives. Period. It’s not easy. We’re bombarded with it. It accumulates almost effortlessly. We have to choose to be intentional about not letting anymore junk in.

So today, I pledge, as much as it depends upon me, NO MORE JUNK
1. Will enter my mind, whether through what I read,, watch, or listen to. I choose to keep my mind and thoughts pure.
2. Will enter my mouth through what I eat. I choose to keep my body healthy.
3. Will come out of my mouth by the words I say. I choose to speak life into my own life and the lives of those around me.
4. Will enter into my marriage because of contempt, disrespect, or lack of compassion.
5. Will enter into my family because of bad choices I make.
6. Will enter into my relationships because of my sensitivity or lack thereof, my insecurity, or neediness.
I will not dwell on the past or the negative, but instead will close the door and remember who I am and whose I am. It. Is. Well!!!!!
This is my declaration!