I’m tired. Not tired in the physical sense. Not tired as in, I just can’t physically go another step. Not tired as in, I’ve had a hard day and I need a nap. But spiritually tired. Emotionally tired. I’m tired of doing church like normal. I’m tired of going to church and leaving the same way. I’m so tired of it that going to “church as normal” gets harder and harder to do every single week. I’m so tired of it, that preparing for youth service or worship service of “church as normal” gets harder and harder to do every week. I’m discontent. I know the Bible has a lot to say about contentment, but I think that contentment is the spirit that got us into this mess in the first place. Every week we are satisfied to come to church as normal. Sing three songs; verse 1, chorus, verse 2, chorus, bridge, chorus; verse 1, chorus, verse 2, chorus, bridge, chorus; etc. Every once in a while we might mix it up and sing the chorus and then verse 1. Listen to the preacher talk about something. Sing a song for altar call. Go home. Just. Like. Normal. Who in the world said it was ok to be satisfied with that???
I am so tired of it that I cannot go to another service without experiencing God. I am so tired of it that I cannot “do” another youth service without God moving. I am so tired of it that I cannot go another day, not even another minute, without an encounter with God. I want more. I NEED more. I need to see Him more. I need to hear Him more. I need to know Him more.
And I wonder how in the world we can sing songs like “Holy Spirit, You Are Welcome Here” and act the way we do. Is He really welcome? Do we really want Him to break into our “church as normal” and do what He wants to do? Because that might be inconvenient. It might be painful. It might take a while. Do we really want that? I do.
I want to be overcome by His presence. My soul longs for it like my lungs long for oxygen. I want to breathe Him in. To be completely loved and overtaken. I will not be satisfied with anything less. I will not settle for “church as normal” anymore.