Category: Uncategorized

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Ice Storm

Sondra

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Today is an “ice day” home from work. The company (and most schools in the area) called off yesterday afternoon in anticipation of the coming weather. It didn’t come. At least not here. There is no ice. There is barely even any rain. I wonder if there’s some sort of game the weather guys play…predicting and talking up the ice storm of the century, and then sitting back and laughing when everyone buys it. Possibility.
I’m amazed at how many people flock the stores when they hear of an impending storm. Bread, milk, and eggs fly off the shelves in record time. Pallets of ice melt are staged at the enterance of the store, right in front of the snow shovel display. Who needs to buy a snow shovel EVERY TIME it snows anyway? What happens to the ones we bought the last time it snowed???

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to predict and prepare for impending life storms? For instance, would I have done anything differently if I had known that cancer was in my future? What would you do if you knew a job loss was coming? Or a relationship fail? Or a car accident? Would you want to know the storm was coming, or would that cause anxiety and paralyzing fear? 

Proverbs 31:21 says this: “She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes.” She’s wise. She knows that storms and seasons come and go. That’s life. But instead of dreading or fearing or freezing in hopelessness, she prepares not only herself, but her household. “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” In other words, she’s done everything she can do, and she trusts that God will do the rest. There is strength in the quiet trust we place in our Heavenly Father. Instead of waiting until the storm arrives and then running to God in desperation, there’s a peace in walking with Him and trusting Him with every moment of every single day.

Face the storms of life head-on with confidence that God’s in control. Unlike us, He knows the exact time and circumstances. Nothing surprises Him. Nothing sneaks past Him. When the storms of life come, we can rest in the knowledge that He has already prepared for it.

~Sondra

Faith, Health, Uncategorized

Fit and Lean in 2017!

Sondra

Fit and Lean in 2017!

That’s what a friend has deemed her mantra for the new year. As I thought about it, I discovered that it could cover all aspects of life. So I stole it (sorry B!).

Of course, I don’t have to go into great detail about how “fit and lean in 2017” can apply to the physical body. It might look different for you than it does for me, but it means to get healthy. Period. Maybe you’ll eat clean, maybe you’ll low-carb. Maybe you’ll join Weight Watchers. Maybe you’ll join a gym, or the Y, or sign up for C25K. What’s important is that you find something that fits you. Make sure it’s something you enjoy and can continue. Otherwise, you’ll be done by February.

You can also be emotionally fit and lean in 2017! What I mean by that is, stop over-thinking. Quit holding people liable for what you think they meant instead of what they actually said or did. Cut out the drama from your life. Cut out the negativity from your life. Purge the toxic thoughts and relationships. And for goodness sakes, get off of the emotional roller coaster. Life is too short. If you don’t like it, change it. If you can’t change it, use it to strengthen you. Don’t tell me that’s too hard to do. I just beat cancer. I didn’t like it and I couldn’t change it, but I used the experience to become stronger.

“Fit and Lean in 2017”…fiscally. This is a hard one for me, because I want what I want when I want it, and I want it now…but it’s an area I am ready to tackle in the new year. Get out of debt, cut back on spending (wasting) your hard-earned money on things that you don’t need to impress people you don’t like. Start a savings account. Even if you only save $10 a week, that’s still $520 at the end of the year. Virtually everyone can find $10 a week in their budget. Cut out your expensive morning coffee and make your own at home. Eat out less and cook at home more. You can do this! For some extra motivation, go find Rachel Cruze’s book “Love Your Life, Not Theirs”.

How about materialistically fit and lean in 2017? I’m not saying go be a minimalist. If that’s what you want, that’s great, but there’s no need to go to extremes. Go through your closets and garages and sell what you haven’t used or seen in the last year. Go ahead. I dare you. If you haven’t seen it in that long, you don’t need it and quite frankly, you probably forgot you had it anyway. Do you really want someone else to have to go through all of your stuff when you die? Keep nothing in your home that you don’t view as purposeful or beautiful. Not what I think, but what YOU think. It’s your home! Make it yours!

Be spiritually fit and lean in 2017. Whoa. What am I talking about? Stop going to church so much? Stop praying so much? Absolutely not. Those are necessary things if you want to be spiritually fit. What I mean is stop trying to live up to all of those man-made rules and the “do not’s” that we have placed on ourselves. Get back to the basics of your faith. Find a church home and attend regularly. Find a Bible reading plan you can stick to. Spend some time in prayer each day. Help the helpless. Feed the hungry. Give to the poor. Do all of those things! Live out your faith! But stop being so hard on yourself (and others) when they don’t live up to your expectations of what a Christian should look like, or act like, or talk like. Love God. Love People. Make Disciples. Basics.

Here’s to being Fit and Lean in 2017!

–Sondra

Health, Uncategorized

Wondering

Sondra

Seems I’ve finally been still long enough for the sick germs to catch up with me. Not too shabby considering my weakened immune system and all of the snot I am around at work everyday. I was wondering when it would happen and how my body would react after having cancer.

That’s the thing about being a cancer survivor…you try to stay positive and put the battle behind you and move forward, but you are always wondering. Wondering if what you are experiencing is normal. Wondering when or if the recurrence will come. Wondering what people think of your new hairstyle. Wondering if strangers can tell you’ve had cancer. Wondering if they think you talk about it too much. Wondering if what you are eating is cancer-causing. Wondering when your fingernails and toenails will grow back or if they will always be brittle. Or if the numbness in your toes will ever go away. Wondering if you’ve forgotten something important because of the chemo brain. Or if people think you’re just using it to get out of doing something because you say you need to rest. You want so badly to put it out of your mind, but you can’t.

You can’t because it’s changed you forever. You are not the person you were before the diagnosis. No matter how much you try to “get your life back”, you won’t get it back because you are different. You’ve fought an enormous battle. You’ve faced trauma unimaginable. You’ve come back from death.

Your priorities are different.

Your perspective is different.

Your perception is different.

Not to mention that your physical body is also different. The chemo has killed off everything…the good and bad cells. That’s both a blessing and a curse.

Your emotions are different because the medicine has put you into menopause.

And sometimes it’s too much. Sometimes you long for the familiar. It’s not that the new normal is horrible, it’s just different and different is scary and leaves you wondering. You’re always wondering…

-Sondra

 

Faith, Uncategorized

Rest

Sondra

Mark 6:30-31—The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

If at any time you have ever felt guilty for taking time off, read that scripture again. Slowly. Jesus told them to “come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” The apostles had been busy doing and teaching. They had been ministering and doing what God had called them to do. They were exhausted. Yet, they weren’t saying “We need a vacation.” Jesus was telling them they needed one.

But look again, it said that the apostles had been so busy that they hadn’t had time to eat. They were hungry! And instead of Jesus saying, “Let’s go eat.” He said, “Come away with me by yourselves to find quiet and rest.” I highly doubt they were hitting McDonald’s on the way there. Jesus could have fed them. Later in this same chapter, He feeds 5000. Feeding 12 would have been a piece of cake. So why didn’t Jesus say, “Let’s get something to eat”? I don’t know, but I think it was because He knew their greatest need was rest and time in His presence. They needed refueled spiritually before they could refuel physically. He knew the importance of resting and refreshing to remain effective in ministry. And in life.

That scripture spoke to me this morning as I was taking time to read my Bible on this day after Thanksgiving. I’m on Thanksgiving break and just as I was feeling guilty about doing absolutely nothing, I read that passage.

When I had cancer, I did nothing but rest. I had no other choice. I would get frustrated that I wasn’t doing anything, and there was literally nothing I could do about it. The chemo made me so sick that I could barely hold my head up. Walking across the room made me so short of breath that I felt like I would collapse.

Once I finished treatment and regained some strength, I couldn’t wait to get back to work and doing all the things that I hadn’t been able to do. At the end of June, I hit the ground running and hadn’t stopped to take a breath since then. I was working. I was doing youth ministry. And worship ministry. And trying to keep up with everything at home. I didn’t take time to rest, and I felt like I was running on empty.

I couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving break when I could breathe. Because my life was out of balance. In all of my doing, I forgot the importance of rest.

I’m not the only one. And neither are you. The apostles also forgot to stop and rest in the quiet that is Jesus. In His presence, I trade chaos for calm. In His presence, I trade noise for peace. I trade exhaustion for renewal; depletion for restoration; hunger for satisfaction. In Him I trade busyness for rest.

-Sondra

 

 

 

 

 

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Brave Start

Sondra

I woke up around 9am because I didn’t go to bed until around 3am. I was finishing a book that I was reading and then I did some writing. Sometimes my creativity flows late at night, sometimes it flows early in the morning. You just never know about me.

When I woke up this morning I had the brilliant idea to take my tablet to the elliptical with me. I read while I was working out. It worked. I worked out for 48 minutes while I read my devotional, my one chapter of the Bible for today, and then a chapter in the book “Start” by Jon Acuff. And I remember more of what I read while working out than I normally do when I just sit her idle and read. I think it is a habit that I will be continuing. I don’t know how effective the workout was because I was not moving very fast, but it was a start and that’s all that is required. A start. A simple step forward.

I’m reminded of a sight I saw the other day as I drove to work. I live in the country and although my commute is much shorter than it used to be, I still drive about 12 miles one way to work. It starts out in the hills and curves and eventually flattens and straightens out. I drive past a farm that takes up both sides of the road and usually, on the electrical wires above the field, are hundreds of birds just sitting there. If you watch them long enough, they swoop down toward the field without quite reaching it before they fly back up and land on the wire. They start out with great bravado toward the ground and then with just as much enthusiasm, they land back on the wire. As I watched the other day, I wondered why they do this. Why do they all at once sweep down and then back up to the same spot they came from without reaching the ground where the seeds and bugs are? It’s like they want to go, and they start, but then before they reach their goal, they go back where they started from.

Don’t we do that? Don’t we get inspired to try something new and take that first step and then before we know it, we’re right back where we started from? Why do we do that? Fear? Probably. It can be scary to step out. We don’t know what will happen if we continue to move forward. I can tell you with certainty that nothing will happen if you don’t step out. NOTHING. If we don’t take the first step, we won’t move. It’s that simple.

What is it that we see that we want to go after? A new career? A ministry opportunity? A relationship? A new, healthy lifestyle? What is it that keeps us perched on the wire? Be brave. Step out. Being brave doesn’t mean the absence of fear. Being brave means being scared and taking that step forward anyway. Instead of asking “What if I fail?” ask, “What if I don’t?”

Got to go. I need to start laundry or I’m never going to get it finished. See, it works with laundry, too. 🙂

 

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No More Junk

Sondra

I’ve been on the “simplify” bandwagon for quite some time now. I’ve read books about de-cluttering. I’ve spent hours on Pinterest looking at ideas on how to de-clutter and what to do with the stuff that I don’t get rid of. All of those pictures look amazing, right? If only my house looked like that…and so the dream goes.

Thanks to a couple borrowed mantras, “Have nothing in your house that you don’t believe to be beautiful or purposeful” and “Don’t just wish for it, work for it”, I finally stopped daydreaming and I’ve been actively “de-junkifying” my house for several weeks. It’s not just a little bit of junk We have lived in the same house for 16 years and my husband’s grandparents lived here for years before us. So I have my junk and then I have the leftovers of their junk. Basically I just pick a room and start going through stuff until I’ve gone through everything. It’s a slow process, but it’s happening.

I try to throw out a bit every day, but I’ve noticed something. It seems like the more I things I throw out, the more I add in its place. I trade old junk for new junk. And the cycle continues.

We all do this. We trade the old junk that we don’t want for new junk that we think we do. In our homes, in our garages, in our bodies, in our relationships, in our careers, in our minds. Truth is, we might want it right now, but how long before it becomes the junk we’re trying to get rid of all over again?

We need to stop allowing junk into our lives. Period. It’s not easy. We’re bombarded with it. It accumulates almost effortlessly. We have to choose to be intentional about not letting anymore junk in.

So today, I pledge, as much as it depends upon me, NO MORE JUNK
1. Will enter my mind, whether through what I read,, watch, or listen to. I choose to keep my mind and thoughts pure.
2. Will enter my mouth through what I eat. I choose to keep my body healthy.
3. Will come out of my mouth by the words I say. I choose to speak life into my own life and the lives of those around me.
4. Will enter into my marriage because of contempt, disrespect, or lack of compassion.
5. Will enter into my family because of bad choices I make.
6. Will enter into my relationships because of my sensitivity or lack thereof, my insecurity, or neediness.
I will not dwell on the past or the negative, but instead will close the door and remember who I am and whose I am. It. Is. Well!!!!!
This is my declaration!

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Call me “Victor”

Sondra

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Last year around this time, I went to the breast center and had a biopsy on the lump that I had found and then had been confirmed by mammogram and ultrasound. The memories of that day are so vivid. It’s a day that I will remember for the rest of my life. On that day, my life changed forever. It was on that day that I found out that I was about to go through the fight of my life.

After the biopsy came surgery and then the port placement a month later. Four days later I started the first of six rounds of chemo. There were two five day hospital stays in the mix, one of which included the ICU. There was six-and-a-half weeks of radiation, five days a week. There were spans of days when I couldn’t get out of bed. There were days I was so restless that I couldn’t lie down, sit up, or stand for longer than a couple minutes. And there were nights I thought would never end.

Chemo almost killed me and cancer changed my life. It showed me how strong that I am. And it put everything into perspective.

Today I returned to the breast center for the follow-up mammogram. I had no idea that it would be as emotional as it was. There was fear. There was a sense of loneliness. There was that pukie feeling in the pit of my stomach. I walked into a room full of women wearing pink gowns. All of them had their full head of hair and I did not. They looked at me and you could see the fear in their eyes. You could see their worry, and their pity. When you have cancer, people feel sorry for you and they don’t want to be you all at the same time. It has never been so evident as it was today.

I sat there in the chair, holding my phone, texting my friend for support and trying not to let the other women see me crying. I noticed that old re-runs of “Home Improvement” were on the TV. Why in the world was a room full of women watching “Home Improvement”??? I went back to my phone. My friend had asked if I wanted her to come. Yes, I did, but I didn’t tell her that. They called my name.

The room was cold, of course. They always are. The mammography tech was soft-spoken and I could tell she was as nervous as I was. It seemed like it was taking forever to go through the questions and get the computer set up. Finally it was time for the scan. I didn’t punch anyone, which is saying a lot. J I asked when I would know the results and was informed that I would know something before I left that day.

Ten months ago I found out that I was about to go through the fight of my life. Today I found out that I won. Call me “Victor”. I wanted to jump up and down. I wanted to shout. I wanted to cry. I felt like I could breathe again.  I felt like the turtle in a picture I saw a few days ago. He’s slowly making his way across the sand and back to the water. That’s how I feel. I’ve been out of my comfort zone for so long. This journey has been long and hard—the hardest thing I’ve ever done–but I can finally almost touch the water where I can swim freely.

Health, Uncategorized

New Normal

Sondra

It’s been a really long time since I have posted anything. In my defense, it’s been one heck of a year!

Around this time last year I found a lump in my breast and went to the doctor to have it checked out. He ordered a mammogram. The radiologist who read the mammogram ordered an ultrasound. After reading the ultrasound, he informed me that it needed a biopsy. I went for that in December and was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had the lumpectomy at the end of December, the port placement four weeks later, and started chemo the following week. I ended up in the hospital the first round because my insurance would not pay for the shot to keep my blood counts up. They had no problem paying for it after the four day hospital stay. J

I completed six rounds of chemo, ending up in the hospital again on the last round. The stuff nearly killed me. A month later I started radiation, every day for six-and-a-half weeks. I also returned to work during that time. I still have to have Herceptin infusions every three weeks and yesterday I started taking Tamoxifen. I’ve been slowly returning to “normal”. Whatever the new “normal” is.

I lost 23 lbs. during the cancer treatment. Not a great way to lose it, but a loss is a loss, right? Unfortunately, as I’ve started getting back to “normal”, I’ve gained most of it back. That is frustrating to me. I don’t want to gain it back. I don’t want to eat junk and be inactive. I don’t want to be at a higher risk of a cancer recurrence.

And then it hit me. I didn’t come back from the edge of death to live my way right back to it. I did not fight my way through death to live my way back to it. It’s time to make some changes.

When you think about it, there’s nothing that says the new “normal” has to be anything like the old one. And that doesn’t just go for me. It doesn’t just apply to someone who fought their way through cancer. It can apply to anyone who has gone through anything and is in a time of transition. A new job. A new living situation. A new whatever. Make the most of your second chance. I don’t know what that looks like for you. For me right now that means that I am starting a new lifestyle of clean eating and exercising. Embrace the opportunity for a new “normal”.

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Sondra

I am a blessed woman! My husband and oldest son put on a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner today. My oldest son says that my youngest son and I will have a turn next year. Hmmm…I’m not sure that is such a great idea!

Today I am most thankful for my immediate family and that we could all be together, in the same house, at the same time. Between the four of us and our jobs and school, being together in one place rarely happens. But today, we were able to be together and linger there. What a blessing!

That is what it’s all about, right? Being with the ones you love. Being thankful for what you have been given in this life. Maybe we don’t have the house of our dreams or the job of our dreams. Maybe (definitely) our family is not perfect. Maybe our car is broken down more than it’s running. Or the washing machine frequently doesn’t spin out and we have to go back through the spin cycle again, giving the barrel a turn to get it started. Someone probably overcooked a turkey or didn’t get all the lumps out of the mashed potatoes today. So what? Those things are light and momentary compared to eternity. Be thankful for what you have, today and everyday. The key to being content is not having what you want, but being thankful for what you have.

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Redeem

Sondra

Today I had my diagnostic mammogram. It lead to an ultrasound. When the radiologist came in, he had no clear answer for me, so we now go for a lumpectomy and a biopsy. I’m waiting on scheduling to call and schedule an appointment with me.

I dislike waiting. Seriously. Unless you know me, you cannot know the truth of this statement. I am a hard headed redhead with a type A personality. When I set my mind to do something, I want it done. Now. Ask my kids. They have stories.

So when I learned that I have to wait some more to put this lump issue to rest, I had a choice to make. I could worry and fret and stay in my pajamas and eat candy cane kisses all Thanksgiving break, or I could redeem it. I could wallow in self-pity. Or I could praise Jesus for His hand that holds me. I could abandon hope and forfeit. Or I could redeem the situation.

I choose to redeem the situation. What the enemy has meant for harm, God will turn into good. And I plan to tell everyone about it! No weapon formed against me shall prosper. That’s a promise I can stand on. The enemy is trying to silence me, but I refuse to let that happen.

Redeem. I love that word. It means to reclaim something. And in this season of my life, I am learning to reclaim a lot of things. And I’m relishing in the fact that God is a redeeming God. He reclaims things for His purpose. Every situation. Every circumstance.